Haaland — The £14.4m Headache Nobody Wants to Talk About

VERDICT: HOLD (but only because selling feels like tempting fate)

Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat this. The man has scored 2 points in back-to-back 90-minute appearances. Two points. From full matches. That's the kind of return you get from a defender who picks up a yellow card, except Haaland costs fourteen million pounds and change. I've watched him blank twice while my mini-league rival captained Isak and gained 40 points on me in a fortnight. It's been grim.

Here's the thing though — and this is where it gets messy — he's still got an xG of 21.06 this season. That's elite. The chances are there. City's team momentum sits at 56 out of 100, which isn't spectacular but it's not catastrophic either. They're creating, he's getting into positions, the goals just aren't dropping. Form says 2. The underlying numbers say "any week now." Classic FPL torture.

The fixtures are where this gets properly awkward. Chelsea away, Arsenal at home — both FDR 4s. Those are the kind of matches where you'd normally look away from your premium forward, except this is Haaland. He's scored against everyone. Then Burnley away (FDR 2) looks tasty, followed by Everton and Brentford. That run from GW33 onwards? That's when you want him, not when you're selling him in a panic.

Ownership is 54.9%, which means he's basically template. Selling him now, right before a potential return to form, feels like the exact move that'll haunt you when he bangs in a hat-trick against Arsenal (he won't, but what if he does?). The ICT Index of 246 suggests he's still involved, still threatening.

I'm holding. Barely. With gritted teeth and one eye on the transfer button. But I'm holding because the second I sell is the second he remembers he's Erling Haaland and goes on a 30-point rampage. You know it. I know it. We've all been here before.

If you need detailed fixture analysis or want to see how other premiums stack up, fpltouchline.com breaks it all down without the emotional damage.