Title: GW31: The Week Everton Decided to Be Good and I Had Absolutely Zero Toffees
Right so that happened.
BETO. SIXTEEN POINTS. The man who's been proper useless all season picks THIS week to remember he's a footballer. And where was he? On 1.3% ownership probably laughing at the rest of us who've been backing Calvert-Lewin like mugs. Meanwhile DCL probably got another 2-pointer, I can't even check because I'm still recovering from the trauma.
Can we talk about Spurs losing 3-0 at home to Forest? THREE NIL. To FOREST. I've got Solanke, obviously I've got Solanke, because "Spurs have great fixtures" and "he's on pens now". Blanked. Forest's Neco Williams gets 15 points with TWO ASSISTS and I guarantee nobody in their right mind owns him. This is fine. Everything is fine.
Liverpool lost to BRIGHTON. At Brighton, sure, but still. Welbeck with 12 points doing his annual "I'm actually still good" performance that lasts exactly one week before he gets injured again. And Salah's now DOUBTFUL for next week. Brilliant. The one premium you can't really sell because the second you do he'll haul 25 points against Ipswich or whoever.
The Bournemouth-United game was absolutely peak FPL — loads of goals, nobody cares because nobody owns anyone except maybe Bruno who got 13 points. Fair play if you captained him but let's be honest, you captained Salah or Haaland like the rest of us sheep.
Fulham 3-1 Burnley should've been a massacre for anyone with Fulham attackers except I SOLD KING TWO WEEKS AGO because he "wasn't nailed." 13 points. On my watchlist. Mocking me.
The Everton Thing
Everton beat Chelsea 3-0. CHELSEA. Ndiaye got 10, Beto got 16, and suddenly Everton have 58 momentum on fpltouchline and I'm supposed to believe they're... good now? They've got Wolves next and I'm genuinely considering a punt but this is how they get you. This is EXACTLY how they get you. You bring in an Everton attacker and they immediately lose 4-0 to Luton or something.
The Injury List is Taking the Piss
Salah doubtful. Alisson doubtful. Bruno G doubtful. Vicario doubtful. Gvardiol INJURED. The template is literally falling apart in real-time and we've still got how many gameweeks left? This is where the season gets decided and half the premium assets are in the physio room having a laugh.
Momentum Stuff
So apparently Liverpool's momentum has dropped to 40/100 which... yeah. Tracks. They lost to Brighton and look absolutely cooked. Meanwhile Forest at 54/100 just beat Spurs 3-0 and I still can't bring myself to trust them. Sunderland up to 49 after beating Newcastle — cool, shame they're in the Championship and I can't actually use this information.
City at 56 momentum with Gvardiol injured is a concern if you're still backing their defense. I'm not, because I learned my lesson in like GW18.
The Averages
38 average, 109 top score. If you got 109 you either own the entire Everton squad or you're a time traveler. I'm sitting here with probably a 42 wondering why I bother checking the app on Saturday evening. It's masochism at this point.
Looking Ahead
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Everton punt — I hate myself for even typing this but Beto at whatever % ownership he's at might be worth a shout for one week. ONE WEEK. Then he'll blank and I'll sell him for a -4.
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Salah situation — If he's actually injured I'm not selling because spite. If he's fit he's probably captaincy against whoever Liverpool play next because they're due a 5-0 win to give us all false hope again.
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Forest assets? — Neco Williams with 15 points has me looking at their fixtures like an idiot. I won't pull the trigger but I'll think about it for 72 hours straight.
Honestly I've been using fpltouchline.com to track momentum and it's been helpful for seeing which teams are actually in form vs just getting lucky — it's free if anyone wants to try it. Right now it's telling me Everton are good and Liverpool are cooked which feels completely backwards but here we are.
Anyway. GW32. More pain incoming.