GW31: When Beto Becomes Essential and Other Sentences I Never Thought I'd Write
Right, so I need to start by addressing the elephant in the room — I don't own Beto. Nobody owns Beto. He's sat there at 5.4m in 2.1% of teams, and he's just casually dropped 16 points like it's nothing while my premium forwards combined for about 7. Everton put three past Chelsea (yes, Chelsea, who apparently forgot how to defend) and suddenly Beto looks like prime Drogba. Two goals, an assist, and the kind of performance that makes you question every transfer decision you've made since August.
The average score was 38 points this week. If you got anywhere near that, congratulations on your functional brain. The top score was 109, which means someone out there captained Beto or has a crystal ball they're not sharing with the rest of us.
Let's talk about the other chaos merchants. Neco Williams putting up 15 points with two assists as Forest absolutely battered Spurs 3-0 at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium is the kind of result that makes you remember why this game is equal parts brilliant and torturous. Forest are flying — momentum score of 54 and climbing — while Spurs are in full Spursy mode. If you've been holding onto Son or any Spurs attacker hoping for better days... I don't know what to tell you. Maybe wait for a new manager bounce that may never come.
Brighton beating Liverpool 2-1 is another one for the "this season makes no sense" file. Welbeck with two goals for 12 points, doing what Welbeck does when you least expect it (and definitely don't own him). Liverpool's momentum has fallen off a cliff — down to 40/100 — and with Salah now doubtful along with Alisson, suddenly the Anfield assets look a bit shaky. I say this as someone who's triple-captained Salah twice this season, so take that advice with the appropriate amount of salt.
Bruno Fernandes quietly picked up 13 points in that 2-2 draw at Bournemouth. A goal and an assist while United continue to be the most unpredictable team in the league. Are they good? Are they terrible? Yes to both, apparently. At least Bruno keeps delivering when he plays.
The injury list is absolutely grim. Salah doubtful. Bruno Guimaraes doubtful. Alisson doubtful. Vicario doubtful. Gvardiol injured. This is the part of the season where your carefully planned team gets demolished by the physio's table and you're left scrambling. Dunk's suspended for Brighton, which matters if you went defender-heavy there. Maguire's out for United, though I'm not sure how many people are losing sleep over that one.
Fulham putting three past Burnley isn't shocking — Burnley's momentum is down to 23/100, which is basically relegation form — but Josh King with 13 points (goal and assist) is a nice reminder that mid-price punts can work. Sometimes. Rarely. But sometimes.
What am I doing next week? Well, first I'm checking that injury list about seventeen more times before the deadline. If Salah's actually out, that's a massive captaincy headache solved by simply not having the option. Bruno Fernandes might be the safe play, or you go full differential and look at someone like Saka if Arsenal have a decent fixture.
Second, I'm looking hard at Everton assets. I know, I know — it's Everton. But they've got momentum (58/100) and Beto's basically free. Ndiaye got 10 points too. Sean Dyche has them organized and they just smashed Chelsea 3-0. Sometimes you have to ignore the badge and follow the form.
Third, Forest defenders or wingbacks need a serious look. Neco Williams at 4.5m with attacking returns is exactly the kind of value that wins mini-leagues. Forest's fixtures aren't horrific and they're clearly not the shambles we thought they'd be.
Finally, maybe don't panic-sell your Liverpool assets just yet, but definitely have a Plan B ready. If Salah's out for more than a week or two, that's 13 million you need to redeploy fast.
For more sensible analysis than whatever this was, check out fpltouchline.com — they'll have the stats and breakdowns that might actually help you climb your mini-league instead of just commiserating about Beto.